Monday, June 20, 2005
hmmm. I am doing the typing on the sly. This blog is done in the middle of my competency report. Ltr I am going to cut and paste into blog. Cannot type too obvious. If not I will get scolded for not doing my wrk and doing wat is regarded as stupid and wasting my time. Haha, it sounds reali lame but its true. Todae I wrked at cartel from 10am to 5pm. They were shorthanded so asked me to extend few hrs more. So super tired. Haiz. Have been wrking continuous without any rest dae for quite long. Taking a toll on me.
I am tinking abt something for the past few daes. Met him on tues. haven seen him for quite a long time. Two and a half months. Mayb to you, not seeing ur fren for that period of time might not be that long, but to me, its very very long. Considering that in the past, I met him almost everydae. And now I am going to dedicate this blog article to him. Sorry to my supervisor. I dun do my report first. Haha… wan to blog. on the way home from wrk juz now I had a long and hard thought. For the past few months since he and XX got together as a couple, I pushed all thoughts of him to the back of my mind. I didn’t dare tink abt him or even them together as a couple. Sighz. In the first place, was I ever at fault? Was chatting on the phone with one of my frenz that dae and she had a slip of the tongue. She said that he liked her before he decided to be with me. Now they are together. Does that mean I was actually a third party? But, does anyone actually noe wat I feel? Sighz. I haf known him for quite some time. For that period of time, my whole life revolved around him, him and onli him. But now I haf sort of drifted apart from him due not onli to us being in different wrkplace but largely due to XX. Sighz. As I was on the journey back home, many memories flashed back for me. The bus journey we shared when ever we went home from wrk together. The stall where we ate our midnite supper everytime he finished wrk at 11pm. Still can recall those times I sort of snuck out at nite to go meet him.
for the past year, I chatted on the phone with him everynite. till 2am? I signed up for free incoming calls largely becoz of him coz he liked to call me to chat at nite. Everytime I had a test, a quiz, or even an exam, if he wanted to chat, I would neglect my wrk and juz accompany him to chat on the phone. In the end, I did not study for a majority of my tests and quizzes and hence always ended up juz passing or failing. But mostly is due to luck as my concepts are all hazy hazy. Due to my late nites on the phone, I attended lectures feeling sleepy and almost late everydae. I also did not pay much attention in class. Tinking back I reali regretted those daes. Why did I do such a foolish thing? Thou I haf passed YR 1, I believe I am not reali competent to go yr two. Maybe Its juz a fluke I managed to pass yr1. still can rmb the dae before a n p he had to tell me that we are not suitable to be together. Ended up I did not eat or even revised for my paper. In the end I got a C+. if I had studied, I believe this would not haf been my grade. My patient care even worse… argh, dun tok abt it.
he was my very best guy friend. I nvr wanted to let him noe and when he found out, this is wat I ended up with—nothing. Humans are hard to predict. He told me we could be gd frenz in the future. But he nvr even bother if I am alive or not. I am juz so tired of him and everything. Tot at his age he would be more mature. But I was foolish enough to haf thought so.
the purpose of me blogging this is so to make myself a promise that i wan to fulfill. I am not going to msg him or contact him ever again unless he initiates it. But I noe this is even harder den breaking a piece of rock with your teeth – virtually impossible. I do occasionally msg him. Jerene says I shouldn’t. even msg him to tell him his brand of shampoo is having a sale. She told me something I tink its very true. Everytime I msg him, I am giving him a chance to noe I am missing him. So for wat I go n be so thick skinned to msg him? Juz forget it. Changed my blog add coz I dunwan to let him noe wat is gg on with my life—if he even cares or bothers to read my blog. And also coz I lost track of who has my blog. Gonna gif selectively from now on. So be honoured if u haf my blog add ok?
I am off on sat and sun. my dera manager did not gif me any schedule. I am ok with it thou. Juz that no more $$! Onli haf $100+ for this month. Die lahz. Eat grass!!wan to go out on sat—to JB.. anyone wan? Msg me on my phone! Tink noone wan to go. Wan to go myself. If I die I also not bothered. Life sucks anyways. Let me see I tink I will be busy again nxt wk. Got many ppl to meet up with! Esp my dar dar. Miss you. Haven’t seen you for a long time. Haha. And jas! I am sorry always nvr pei you. Hope the wkend you are meeting me. Stay happy ok? Hope u n him are happy too.. love ya always..
Sera's SCARED.
1:05 PM
